Laughter

Being in the Now

Posted on by becomingthecaregiver

It has seemed like forever since I’ve posted so I thought since I have some free time right now, why not do an update? With every ending there is always a beginning just how as one door closes another one opens. Though the ending may not be wanted or a certain door is just to hard to close, we all must move on eventually. Well as of August 31st my mom officially finished chemotherapy! Yaaaayyy!!! She had to take three chemos each treatment but by her fifth treatment, one of them began to really damage her heart so they took her off it and continued the other two. For awhile they thought her heart wasn’t going to be able to go through surgery and with how fast her heart capacity was decreasing I began to fear losing my mother. We went back and forth to different diagnostic centers, cardiologists, and hospitals to run all these tests to see what was going on to only find out there was nothing wrong with her heart. I have also began to theorize that all these doctors run all these tests just to make sure you are spending enough money. These last few treatments have really taken a toll on her but she’s fighting through it better than anyone I know. We begin our new chapter of this fight by now discussing surgery and making a new game plan for what’s going to happen next. In the midst of all of this, I also have began a new chapter in my life. I have began my freshman year of college and I honestly couldn’t be happier. When my mom was first diagnosed she was given six weeks to live. My plans for my future fell through the floor because I couldn’t see my life without her in it. I originally had planned to attend a school up in North Carolina with a full-ride scholarship which was where my older brother had attended but with my mom now as sick as she was, my plans changed pretty fast and last minute. She was diagnosed the day before I was supposed to sign the dotted line so it was obvious that God did not want me at that university. I am now taking online classes through a college much closer to home so I can be by her side every step of the way. If all goes well I will be living on campus next year but until then I will wake up every morning, enjoy a warm cup of coffee, snuggle up with a blanket, and begin class. So in other words I have absolutely no complaints and am very happy at this moment in my life despite everything else that’s going on. It’s hard to find happiness in the midst of this kind of a mess but it’s even harder to hold on to that happiness. I’ve learned just how important it is to enjoy the little moments and to find joy in those little things. If you take things seriously all the time, you will only stress yourself out and be miserable. It’s important to stay positive, be happy, and to enjoy being in the now! Until next time….

Sincerely,

The Caregiver ❤️ 

The Bitter Truth 

Posted on by becomingthecaregiver

In the past 5 months I have been told multiple cancer stories as I sit in wait in the cancer center but I have never told my own. Don’t worry I don’t have cancer, but as you already know my mom does. It was nearing the end of my high school career as graduation was only 30 days away and I was finally going to be 18 in only 15 days. To be honest I’ve never been to hospitals and cancer centers so much in my life since the diagnosis. The day she was diagnosed I already new what it was before she even told me. Around 12 pm I had called her on my lunch break to see how her doctor appointment was going and she could barely talk and then hung up. In that moment I knew everything that I needed to know. That afternoon as I was picked up early from school, taken out for ice cream, and then driven home where my worst nightmares had became true. I became so devastated that it felt like I couldn’t breathe or think or do anything. I just layed in my bed and stared up at the roof as music was playing  in the background as every scenario played through my head and tears rolled down my face. At this point all I could process was that my mom had cancer and she had been given 6 weeks to live but on the upside she had the “good kind of cancer,” which in my opinion is the biggest oxymoron I’ve ever heard. My world at that point stopped spinning, my breath was faint, and I gave up on school, on friends, on everything. Nothing seemed to be important or worth while to me anymore. My mom was my life and we have been together through everything and now I was about to lose her too. I haven’t been able to sleep in months now and when I do it’s maybe around 3 or 4 am. I hear my mom get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or wake up from a bad dream and every night I hear her say that she hates having cancer and is just tired of it all. We’ve been battling this for almost 5 months now and as every treatment comes and goes we face new challenges with each one trying to stay as positive as we can. God never promised us that this life would be easy and trust me when I say that it truly hasn’t. Over the past 8 years of my life it has been far from easy but everything happens for a reason right? So you want to know the truth about cancer? Here’s the truth, you may think that because it’s not in your family history or you may rarely get sick, so your clear from ever getting cancer but my mom did to and there is no reason of to why she got cancer except for too much stress in her life and being in an abusive marriage for 24 years of her life. Cancer doesn’t care who you are or where you are in your life, when it chooses you, all I can say is that you better be prepared for the fight of life because something like this changes you forever. It happens like an earthquake and spreads like a poison. But honestly it’s things like this that can also mends friendships and relationships and it’s sad but it also has the power to either bring a family together or tear it apart and that’s the bitter truth. But through this time in your life  whether you are takin care of some one with cancer or are going through it, family and true friends are one of the most important things to have when you’re trying to beat this. There will be days where you feel so alone and like everyone could care less but if you look hard enough there is always some one that is going to be there for you and it’s important that you find that some one. You will need them to listen when you need to talk, to have a shoulder to cry on when you’re upset, to cheer you up when your down, and most importantly to make you laugh. I believe that laughter is the most important medicine and you’ll need to learn to laugh at the little things because without laughter it’s hard to stay positive through the hard days. So I hope you’re laughing until next time…

Sincerely,

The Caregiver ❤️ 

Making the Change

Posted on by becomingthecaregiver

When some one you love is diagnosed with cancer so are you. You’re whole life and everything you knew to be normal somehow changes and sometimes it changes much faster than you want it to. Everything I normally ate became organic and healthy and I gained many new responsibilities that I never thought I would have to do. When this kind of change happens there are many growing pains and even though you may not like it, you have to learn to adjust because this is going to be your new normal. I haven’t met one person in my life that likes change and honestly I am one of the worst people when it comes to changing things because I absolutely hate change.  But we all have to learn to grow up and adapt to new circumstances eventually right?! Honestly I’ve had to be an adult and make big decisions for my family since I was young and didn’t really have any other choice. I had to be very mature, carry myself to a higher standard, and had no time for a childhood because my family needed me more than what I or others wanted. So in the end, whatever it is you’re going through, you may not like it or you may in fact hate it but we all have to change eventually and it’s better to get it over with now than waiting and making it harder. 

Sincerely,

The Caregiver  ❤️ 

Learning the Pain 

Posted on by becomingthecaregiver

When I was first told the news and hearing those dreaded words come out of my moms mouth that she has CANCER, time froze within those few seconds. That single moment resembled a scene in a movie where you see the bomb count down those last few seconds then everything goes silent as the bomb goes off with everyone screaming, running, and all you hear is just a high pitch screech ringing in your ears. That night as I went to bed, I just laid there and cried my eyes out beating on my pillow screaming out to God why?! Why?! Why?! Why me?! Why her?! Why now?! I mean how could this happen?! My mom is truly my hero and we had just finished getting through my parents divorce and this wasn’t fair!!! My eyes had swollen so bad that it looked like I had gotten into a fight and had a black eye. According to my friends at school the next day I did because that’s the story I told them until I was allowed to announce that my mom had cancer. My mom taught at the same school I attended so it was a pretty big deal. It was kind of hard to keep the secret with my principal announcing it in the morning announcements the following Monday giving me barely anytime to adjust to the news myself. Everyone around me thought “oh this is simple she can have it taken out and that’s it, right?” Unless you go through something like this you will never know what’s it’s like and all that you have to go through. When it comes to something like this you find out real quick who your true friends are. I’ve had people tell me to get over it and to stop being “so dramatic.” This news wrecked my world, how could they even say something like that to me? I would never wish something like this on my worst enemy. Well anyway as the weeks past one after the other leading up to our first treatment day I had more time to deal with it and I’ve become better and trusting God more and more but there are still those days that can be very very challenging to get through and on those days my main goal is to get through and just lay my head on my pillow again. So in the end learning to deal with the pain can be hard but sometimes screaming, crying, and just letting it all out is what you need. Keeping everything inside and concealing all the pain is not only unhealthy but it just builds up and keeps building until one day some one or something triggers you and you crash, burn, and fall apart. Having a friend there for you that you know you can trust can always help with letting whatever it is you’re keeping inside get out and into the open. Nothing about this journey is easy and no one ever promised it would be so finding a way to cope, pushing through each day, and to keep fighting is half of the battle already won.
Sincerely, 

The Caregiver ❤️ 

The Becoming of “The Caregiver”

Posted on by becomingthecaregiver

Becoming “The Caregiver” of anyone who has cancer is tough. But becoming a caregiver of a cancer patient when you’re a teen can be even tougher. My mom was diagnosed with an aggressive and fast moving Breast Cancer on April 15Th, which was only 15 days before my 18th birthday, 30 days before my high school graduation, and three days after that we were at the cancer center first thing that Monday morning getting ready for her first chemo treatment that day. When someone in your immediate family is diagnosed you become diagnosed as well. I had a very short time to relearn how to cook cause everything we ate now was organic, I had to pick up most of her around the house responsibilities, and become an adult really fast. I had no time to think or breathe or deal with what I was feeling inside. Becoming the caregiver is very emotional and it can become very difficult to stay strong and positive for your loved one with all those unsettled emotions. Well anyway writing this blog has given me a way to meet people and deal with it, so hopefully I can help you too. 

Sincerely, 

The Caregiver ❤️